Have you ever complained of this affliction, or known someone who has? It’s a common theme in some people’s lives, and it’s even seen in movies. But why does it happen? Why do some women seem to attract the “same guy” with every new prospect for a significant other? And why do some men suffer from the same?
A therapist might tell you it’s because you have some unresolved parental issues, or you have self-esteem issues that cause you to attract the type of person who will remind you of how crappy you should be treated. You can believe that, and spend the rest of your life in meditation repeating affirmations hoping things will change. Or you can accept the cold hard fact… You’re not very good at reading people, and you don’t know who you can trust.
That may not be what you wanted to hear, but it’s the truth. I won’t lie to you by telling you to “be patient, the right person is out there for you. The universe will bring you your perfect mate in time”. That’s a load of the filthiest dung around. The fact is you have work to do. You are the one selecting your mates, so you need to learn to see through people’s social veneers. People usually don’t show you their true selves perhaps until months down the road. When they’re tired, and can’t keep up the facade anymore.
But there is a way to know who is believable and who isn’t. I really hate to be this forward. It really isn’t very socially acceptable of me to tell you this, but the fact is very many people have cookie cutter personalities. They really are just a social construction without any real substance to them as a person. They don’t have any original ideas. They don’t have any distinguishable characteristics about them. They’re just… “normal”. Normal is a bad sign. I know that sounds weird, but look.
The guy was perfect. He had a good job with a healthy income, he had his own group of friends, he liked movies, he took you to nice places. You shared similar interests in music and food, and maybe you both liked art. But 3 months in, how much of his pain did you learn about? What was his childhood like? What are his parents like? Who are his friends? What are his goals and ambitions? What kind of choices does he make? When you two are together does he look at other women? Does he put you ahead of, or behind his friends? Do you see him keep his word with other people? Does he make things happen in life, or does he usually have a “it wasn’t my fault” excuse? What’s his moral standing? (“He believes in God” is not a moral standing). What are his ethics like?
In order to learn about people you have to learn to LOOK at them and THROUGH them. Don’t listen to what they say, but WATCH what they do. Most people are not watching other people, and as a result they never learn about behavior patterns which communicate what type of person they are. There is an excellent book titled Science of Survival which will help you understand more about people’s behavior, and learn who you can trust. All hope is not lost. But if you don’t start making some changes in your understanding of people, then it is lost.
About the author: Kramer Cruz is a self-help author, personal success coach, public speaker, and Blogger of Life In The Leap, Kramer prides himself in providing his clients the best he has to offer.
Check out his website & Blog at kramercruz.com