Relationships have there ebs and flows. Naturally at the beginning, it’s all lolly-pops and rainbows. You’re both perfect, and each other’s quirks haven’t started gnawing at your nerves yet. You think your partner is magically different, and you swear you found the one specimen that’s different from the rest of the species. It’s a cute, but naive stage.
The truth is, their not different. They’re just like any other partner. Their education, standards and perspectives may be different, but as a person they’re governed by the same mental and emotional laws. No matter where you are in your relationship. Whether you’re at the beginning, middle or “it’s complicated” phase of your relationship, you can significantly improve the quality of your relationship by implementing these three things.
- Listen intently
Listening while you’re playing with your phone is not listening intently. Listening intently means giving your partner your undivided attention. It means caring about what they have to say. It’s looking in there eyes, and not allowing your attention to wander. Your partner can sense when you’re not listening. We all can. Listening not only lets your partner know you’re with them in the moment, and you care, but at a deeper level, listening intently acknowledges their existence, and gives them importance.
- Communicate what you have been withholding
Believe or not, withholding communication is detrimental to any relationship. Have you ever experienced the feeling of relief that comes after “I’m glad I got that off my chest”? Withholding communication creates stuck energy in our lives. When there is a truth sitting in our hearts, and we aren’t expressing it, the natural energies in our mental universe implode in a sense which causes our relationship to implode also. We become trapped by the things we don’t communicate. We are freed by communicating and being honest about what is in our hearts. Often we withhold the information out of fear of hurting the other person. It’s a testament to what a good person we are right?
Wrong. Having sympathy for our partner implies that we believe they’re weak or fragile, and can’t handle the truth. What we’re really doing when we withhold communication for this reason is we’re trying to remain likeable. By avoiding inflicting pain we remain acceptable to our partner. Fear of loss is the motivation for withholding communication because there is a chance (albeit a small one) that they will leave us if we tell them how we really feel. But here is the truth. If your partner leaves after you communicated your truth, they weren’t meant to be in your life. That’s why the truth exists. To keep your life naturally on purpose. The attachments we develop along the way, and the negative compromises we make are what get us into trouble.
- Create pleasent moments
Relationships are not a static thing. Relationships are created by the people in them. Unfortunately, life isn’t a romantic comedy. Things don’t always happen serendipitously. We have to create the moments we want to experience. Creating special little moments is a simple way to establish positive, and loving feelings in your relationship. Gazing into each other’s eyes, caressing their hair, embracing them with a warm, prolonged hug, bringing them an unexpected gift (no matter how small). Anyone can do these things and begin to improve the energy between them and their partner.
• It Takes Work
I used to believe that relationships should be a natural evolution of love and harmony. Ideas, desires and motivations should come naturally, or at least my partner should be inspire me to do things for her. 10 years of marriage thoroughly disabused me of that idea.
Relationships take work. They take commitment. They take intention, and effort. If you love your partner, sit with them and prepare them to receive the communications you’ve been withhold. Let them know you love them, and want to make things work by doing your part to improve the condition of your relationship.
Be prepared to listen to them after inviting them to share with you the things they’ve been withholding. Remain respectful and willing to experience anything. Keep love first and remember that is why you’re in a relationship with them. Because you love them.
About the author: Kramer Cruz is a self-help author, personal success coach, public speaker, and Blogger of Life In The Leap, Kramer prides himself in providing his clients the best he has to offer.
Check out his website & Blog at kramercruz.com