Sometimes when we read or listen to Relationship Tips some people think “that sounds really great and ideal, but for me to apply those tips I have to be motivated. I just don’t feel I’m in a place where I could apply those tips with sincerity”. I’ve been there myself. What I’ve noticed after finding myself in that space many times is that the lack of motivation (which really just means we’re not feeling the love) is a result of all the negative thoughts we’ve had about our partner, and how much better it would be if we were alone, or with someone else. Some of us might even start flirting with other people while we were still in a relationship. These “little” mental and social behaviors begin to stack up in our mind and hearts as minor relationship “sins”.
Having thoughts of leaving your partner, how annoying your partner is, and how much better your life would be without them is a complete counter-intention to any relationship tip. You don’t want to hear a relationship tip when you’re in that space. Often, your only reaction is rejection with a quiet snarl. What you want to hear is someone motivating you to leave the relationship. You’re looking for “one good reason”. That’s a clue in itself.
You don’t have a good reason to leave. What has happened with your partner isn’t unfixable. If you allow yourself to be wrong by discontinuing the belief that your partner is terrible, and quietly open yourself to the idea that your partner is still the same person they were before you started talking poorly about them. You will slowly find yourself working your way back to flowing love between each other. Don’t pretend to feel something you don’t, but allow yourself to begin to soften up to them. Because here is the truth. Leaving them doesn’t fix anything. Being mean and nasty, doesn’t fix anything. YOU fix things, and you do it with communication and gestures of love.
One of the hardest things we have to do as a partner is constantly check in with ourselves, and find out “how have I been responsible for the current condition of my relationship?” That’s not to say that your partner doesn’t have their own responsibility for a given circumstance, but it takes two to create a situation (even if only one of you were “first cause” of an event). Until you take responsibility for how your reactions have contributed to the current condition. You will never have the power to change it because you will always be the victim of it (the condition).
When they say relationships take work. This is what they mean. It requires self-awareness and ego-checks. If our partners have to make us aware, and they’re the ones putting our egos in check all the time, we’re failing. They may not tolerate it long-term. We want our partners to be proud of us. We want their love, support and acceptance. Give your partner reasons to respect you. Give them reasons to love you and remember that love is also a verb.
About the author: Kramer Cruz is a self-help author, personal success coach, public speaker, and Blogger of Life In The Leap, Kramer prides himself in providing his clients the best he has to offer.
Check out his website & Blog at kramercruz.com