When we first meet a potential partner, we often look for qualities we find attractive while keeping an eye out for things we know we won’t tolerate long-term. The list can be endless. From something as simple as what fragrance they wear, or the way they walk. To something more complex like how they respond to stress.
We’re constantly filtering and categorizing their behaviors and decisions into a pile of “like” and “don’t like”. Which ever outweighs the other by the end of the courting period will determine whether we move forward or not with that relationship. More or less, right?
Cool. So, what if I said that, while all those things are understandable and valid as a qualification criteria, they in themselves do not have anywhere near as much significance as their personal values have? A person’s values, what they find important in life. Those are what will let you know if that person is for you, or not. When we’re teenagers and we start developing hormonally, the first thing we look for in a potential partner is whether or not they’re physically attractive, and what groups they’re a part of.
We don’t want to be seen with the ugly guy or girl in school, and we certainly don’t want to be seen with someone who isn’t considered socially acceptable (no matter the reason). As teenagers we’re able to get away with such a simple and superficial criteria for a partner because that’s all the reality of a teenager requires. However, the older we get, the more we learn about life, and the more we develop our own personal values. We begin to individualize from our parents and set off on the path of self-actualization. We learn what we find important in life.
Our values account for much more than you may realize. Our values are most often the basis of our decision making. What’s important to us? What has value? What mustn’t be disrespected or degraded? These are the things we hold dear to our hearts. When we find someone who shares our values, our chances of long-term success are greatly increased. They no longer have to be the prettiest, but the most loyal. Not the most fun and adventurous, but the most supportive and understanding.
To carry on choosing partners based on the same criteria we used in school is a sign of mental and emotional under-development. A person doing this is stuck in a teenage mentality and has not become an adult.
Look for values. Look for goals. Look for their spiritual philosophy.
The quality of these things will tell you more about them than anything they say, or own.
About the author: Kramer Cruz is a self-help author, personal success coach, public speaker, and Blogger of Life In The Leap, Kramer prides himself in providing his clients the best he has to offer.
Check out his website & Blog at kramercruz.com
Contact me at Kramer.firstname.lastname@example.org or call